Caffeine Overdose

Caffeine Overdose

You had me in a moment, with this thing that you call "love"

I was dizzy with excitement, naïve and silly

Like an infant enjoying her first taste of caffeine

Intoxicated I believed you, for the first time

Living in a world of reciprocated emotion

Every song was mine, every lyric penned by my own hand

Prufrock had my pity, and Wordsworth was my brother,

But the only words worth my time were yours

Spoken in clichés, you indulged my tendency

For idealism, worthless in a world where stomachs swell,

And the living dead roam, automated, oiled regularly by reality

The only one to know me inside out, I gave in

To the brighter colours, warmer days, grass that smelt

Of joyous worms rejoicing, insects smiled

As I avoided mass murder with a wary step

And cupped them up, embraced them

But they stung me with their acid kiss.

I live to learn, I learn to live.

But Calculus is easier on the heart, and Eliot

Can move me without crisply crunching me

Crunching me beneath his feet to smithereens,

Like the last brown leaf of Indian winter.

I fell from the tree and you picked me up,

I thought I was saved when you savoured me

Traced my green veins and breathed in my essence,

But you left me to dehydrate, wither, and tremble

As trade winds picked up my wisps and blew them

Hither and thither.

When the cup has been drained and lies broken on the floor,

The infant cries for more, although every sip is poison.

To You.

How many tears does it take before I’m all dried up?

In the sunlight pretty plants just shrivel up.

Veins of green and darker ones, they symbolise,

The ones I long to slash and tear, and escape lies

You laugh and wait to see if I’ll abandon him

But nothing can make me give in to this one sin.

Put me through the greatest fire, try and try,

I’ll douse it out with all the tears you make me cry,

Smells of flowers choke me, carried by the wind,

The rain falls down like acid burning on my skin,

Everything is upside down, the wrong is right,

I search for sun, but every day resembles night

A black dog strides incessantly along my way

I beat it with a stick and kick it, still it stays.

I close my eyes but sleep is filled with empty places,

People who walk by me, smile with empty faces

Hope’s the substance that was in an empty cup,

And when I think I’ve found it

I wake up.

My Mask of Venetia

My Mask of Venetia

It lay on the table, pristine and pure.

Beauty unparalleled, that I was sure

Mask of Venetia, holiday bit

Smile innocently, passively sit.

True happiness or a simple façade?

Surface serenity, ceramic, hard.

I was distracted my gaze drew away.

Saw a vulture hovering, waiting to prey.

You began screaming those familiar words

Drowning my thoughts out, noise was all I heard.

Meaningless white noise was all ‘twas to me.

Deaf to your screaming I stared on blankly.

Fury, frustration building up inside

Dormant volcano, sleep! Rest! Subside!

Shame. (Not for why I had causes this furore)

Shame because I don’t know you anymore

You swiped your hand and the worst did occur,

A sharp explosion I heard in my fear.

Guilt flooded you as the tears escaped me,

You left. I dealt with my numb misery.

As in your remorse you stormed out the door,

I picked the pieces up, off from the floor.

Painfully glued them back, all but for one.

One that I could not find, one piece was gone.

Now my Venetian mask sits peacefully.

Façade of happiness, peace within me.

Smash it forever, keep crumbling its soul,

I keep the glue; I can still make it whole.

Losing

Losing

Elusive sense of victory
Slipping from my reach
Try to climb but still I fall
Endless, tireless siege
Fight the day and Fight the night
Bull that slowly falls
Raising smoky clouds of dust
Close in, darkness walls
Overpowered by the sharp
Spears that pierce my spine
As the crowd jeers louder still
Death will soon be mine
Tired, tired, tired-fight!
Don't give up on life
Emotional exhaustion and
Trouble, trouble-strife
Free me, take me, let me fly
With father and with son
With lamb, with tiger, everything
With all let me be one
Ashes, ashes, dust to dust
Dust I feel like now
Insignificant and dry
I'll live but tell me how…

Haiku 2

Carried by the wind
Tears welling up in my eyes
Watch you float from me

Haiku 1

Sigh.. You lose some, you win some..
Getting over a lost lover is easier than getting over a lost friend.


Leaf on the water
Ripples carried you away
Drift out of my reach

Moment of existence

As someone wise once put so well... "To write is to write it out!"


Moment of existence

Feeling of fever and drowsy fury,

Falling down endless wells, oh set me free…

The pain and the apathy drugged by the mood,

Dizzy with anger, never subdued.

Direction is lost and confusion is found,

Madness befriended, a world full with sound,

Church bells that chime to remind and coerce,

Laughter to mock evil's unlikely source,

Wailing to reflect demise of the soul,

Familiar sobs for the story untold.

Merge to create music for the insane,

Hurting the inner ear, resolute Pain,

Leave me, un-trap me, from inside these walls,

Labyrinths of identity, long endless halls,

Leading to no where, no answer I find,

Dark twisting maze of the uncharted mind,

Trapped within self made confines of the head,

Relief flows no longer from river of red,

Solutions are distant like stars in the sky,

Watch the horizon, dreams float smoothly by…

Energy dead to collect so they die,

Dissipate, disappear into this lie

That is life. All is left is to be swallowed whole,

Drowning, descending, God preserve this soul,

Swirling at high speeds, oh beautiful light,

It's not him? Is it you? I am blinded by sight,

So I leave the confines and I wait for the day,

I will understand. Maybe you'll show me the way.

Red Life

Sometimes in times of trouble people take to the most seemingly absurd methods of relief, but i find that true strength is in recognising the harm of such methods and finding the courage to stop, the courage to gather the little hope you have left and move on with your life. :)
It is a possible thing :)

Red life
Watch the scarlet river,
Seeping down the land,
Brilliant streams of glistening wine,
Running down my hand.

Slow and thick the river flows,
Bubbling at the source.
Unrelenting flow of life,
Showing no remorse.

Sharp and glistening is the tool,
Cruel, wicked, light.
Nimble with an innate strength,
Guide me through the night.

Pain and sorrow fleets away,
Only for a swipe.
Then the river flows again,
Sadness is made ripe.

Take away the numbness Lord,
Show to me your light!
What you promised me was joy,
What I have is fright.

Slow and steady trickling down,
Take away the pain.
Elevate me, rescue me,
Make me alive again.

All I want to feel is this,
Searing through the skin.
Intense feeling, intense high,
Erase all my sin.

Like an unborn child I curl,
Un-blind me, let me see.
Save me from this cruel world.
But first, save me from me.